Stewarding our stories well

In December 2024, I published an academic paper entitled, “Too Gay for the Evangelicals. Too Evangelical for the Gays: A Narrative and Autoethnograpic Study of a Celibate-Gay Testimony”. In the paper, I was seeking to explore the place of testimonies by same-sex attracted Christians within the church. 

What is testimony?

I think people’s stories can tell us a lot. It’s very important, particularly in today’s culture, to listen to people. Listening to the stories of LGBTQ+ people, whether they are Christians or not, can really help build bridges, bring healing and open up conversation. Often in evangelical culture, the word “testimony” has come to mean, “How I became a Christian”. It becomes a historical account going back years or decades. But I like to broaden the idea of testimony to be more of an ongoing telling of our experiences of encountering God in our lives.Testimony is important because it encourages us to keep on looking for God within our everyday experiences. When we look carefully, God is all the way through our lives: we depend utterly on Him every day. It’s a change in our own mindset, to increasingly recognise the daily work of God in our lives, as well as at specific and memorable moments of powerful encounter. 

God’s vs the world’s patterns

I know some Christians are concerned that an undue emphasis on people’s stories within the church can lead to the Bible becoming marginalised by contemporary narratives. However, I think that they illuminate some of the hidden cultural patterns that we unconsciously adopt and project onto our readings of the Bible. Testimonies might then help us consciously avoid tangling up these cultural assumptions with the truth of Scripture, helping us understand our lives better in relation to God. I have found the following verses from Romans 12 helpful in seeing how the patterns of the world, that so often condition us, need transformation by the Spirit:
“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God. This is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is. Is good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:1-2
 

Romans 12:1-2 taps right into the heart of what testimony means, because testimony is about our story in relation to God. The great demand, which is the same for every Christian, is to give our entire selves to God. I think these verses have helped me understand that my sexuality is a part of my response to God. But I think it also opens our eyes to some of the wider patterns of the world that we may be drawn in by. Personally, the pattern of “only being fulfilled if you’re sexually active” is one that had a powerful grip on me and needed transforming.

Our stories can often help to illuminate some of these almost invisible patterns of the world that we unthinkingly adopt in the church. It’s here that I think the testimonies of same-sex attracted people can be really important. When we hear stories of gay and same-sex attracted people, especially those doing something so radically counter-cultural as choosing to live celibately for the love of God, this offers an invitation for others, regardless of sexual orientation, to consider the purpose of sexuality for everyone. My great hope for the wider conversations in the church about same-sex marriage and relationships is that they might open up questions in a much more universal sense such as, “What does it mean for every human being to surrender their sexuality to God?” Stories of fellow Christians choosing to live celibate lives remind the church that it is not dominant cultural patterns that dictate how we live out our sexualities. Rather, our sexualities are to be offered to God in their entirety, whether we are straight or gay, married or single. Sharing and hearing testimony about where God encounters and renews people in their struggle to live faithful lives, as pertains to our sexualities or any other area of life, can inspire others in their own giving of themselves to God. 

Being wise about when we share

We need to be wise about when and how we are sharing our own stories and the stories of other people. We also need to call people to honesty and accountability in how they’re presenting their stories, especially in the intensity of debate that can happen between liberal and conservative ends of the spectrum on same-sex relationships. The danger is that we shape and use stories in ways which actually are dishonest and manipulative to further earnestly held beliefs. This can, sadly, lead us to actually point away from what God is doing in the more complex pictures of our ongoing lived experience. 

Keeping it real

In my early 20s, I received many invitations to share my story in public, and it was quite flattering. But I also felt increasingly pigeonholed because my story was timely for the needs of the church in balancing out other more affirming perspectives. There’s a risk that our stories can become used by others for a wider purpose: this isn’t always bad, but there are certain hazards of which to 
be aware. 

All storytelling is performative: as soon as we’re telling a narrative to others, we’re sharing it with an audience. There are good and healthy and noble ways of doing that. And then there are also ways that can lead to a pretence and a false projection of storytelling. As I reflected on how my story was received within the church, I had to recognise within myself the flattery of being asked to share. It led me at times to morph my narrative into quite a static, polished product, which then would be more likely to lead to further sharing opportunities. I ended up editing it down into an account that was presenting my life as a victory of choosing celibacy and not really going into the ongoing stuff. My packaged testimony always focused on the big moment of the epiphany of God’s love, which was indeed a wonderful, very important and profound moment for me. But it’s not actually the full story, because my story continues over the 16 years since then.

There have been many times where life has been very hard or where I haven’t felt the love of God. And there have also been seasons of struggle and seasons of celebration. There have been seasons where singleness has felt like a wonderful gift and a freedom, and other times where singleness has felt like a heavy burden and a difficult demand. If we’re not careful, there can be just a dishonesty that comes when we curate our stories into mere highlights, particularly if stories are being used in politically charged debates and conversations. 

As we look at the culture of the church in the last couple of decades, and we see these stories time and time again, particularly within the church, of leaders who have been telling a story and have been maintaining a certain version of their story. But actually, the reality behind the scenes has often moved away from that, or it is more complex or difficult than the more sculpted version of events. And at some point, the grand illusion of this façade comes tumbling down. And then things can be damaging and painful for lots of people. 

Holding the focus on God

Testimony is ultimately not really about us – it’s about our encounters with God and witnessing to what He’s doing in our lives. And so, if I cut out the complexity of my ongoing story, I’m also not looking for where God is within that. I’m no longer seeking to testify to God’s goodness within that. Part of the testimony of people who choose celibacy (and sometimes struggle in celibacy) for the love of God is the witness of the grace that you experience within that: it’s within the struggle, the pain and the suffering that we often most encounter God’s grace. It’s in the perseverance when things are most difficult that we see the work of the Spirit. None of us will finish our narratives until perfection comes. Our stories will go on until we die and beyond. Our current testimonies might be a thread within the story, but we must not lose sight of how they fit within the much greater story of God that all of us have been woven into.

Conclusions

My invitation is not that we should start using stories as the place of truth and foundation of our theology, but we should welcome them as an invitation to reflect upon ‘What are my assumptions?’ ‘How might this person's experience, however different to my own, help me to consider what things I've imported into the gospel, rather than see the truth that's come from Scripture?’ I think all ends of the debate on sexuality could benefit from a deeper commitment to this kind of self-reflection. 

This article was originally published in the Autumn 2025 edition of the TFT magazine, Ascend. Click the button below to download your copy.

To give space to discuss certain articles in greater depth, the TFT staff team will be recording occasional podcasts under the banner “Ascend Higher”, covering the issues raised in a more conversational style. To hear it for yourself, you can use the audio player below.