I’ll be honest, the words “intimacy with God” haven’t always filled me with joy. I now, praise God, find myself saying, “Yes please! ‘Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you’” (Ps 73:25). Previously, my hard heart, bound up by religious pride and sexual sin, rebuffed any closeness with a seemingly judgemental God.

“My expectation in life is to be invisible, and I’m good at it.” This phrase, spoken by a fictional character, Mia Thermopolis, in the movie Princess Diaries, always stood out to me and seeming to apply to my life. I couched it with Christian language, trying to convince myself that I was trying to be humble, but the underlying prevailing thought was rooted in self-hatred. While including my sexuality, these thoughts also came from a broader comprehensive picture of my experiences.

I’ve had a few different jobs in my time. A call centre, a couple of shops, a supply chain manager at a theme park… and as I moved from one job to the next, the process of leaving was often the same. Sometimes (generously) there would be a leaving gift, often there would be leaving drinks or a meal out, but there would always be a card that had been passed around for colleagues to sign without me noticing.

At the beginning of 2025, my church began the journey towards becoming a single friendly church, by working with the Single Friendly Church Network (SFCN). This is a UK‐wide organisation whose aim is to encourage churches to welcome and value single people. For a while we had been working on creating a stronger feeling of family among our members. This had initially focused on families themselves, but a small number of us gradually came to see that we needed to improve our ministry to single people.

“The heavens declare the glory of God;the skies proclaim the work of his hands.Day after day they pour forth speech;night after night they reveal knowledge.They have no speech, they use no words;no sound is heard from them.Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,their words to the ends of the world.” Psalm 19 vs 1-4

If you had asked me what intimacy looked like in a small group, I might have said something about Bible study or prayer. I would not have said “Monday evenings with eight or nine men, a book and a cup of tea.” But that is exactly where I have encountered some of the deepest intimacy, with God, with others and even with myself.

How are you feeling about Christmas this year? Are your emotions positive, negative or mixed? For some, Christmas can be an unavoidable annual reminder of the gap between how things are and how we wish they were. This can be particularly the case when it comes to our relationships, but there can also be a felt gap in connection to work, finances, living arrangements, the political situation in our homeland or in myriad other ways.

It turns out we’re all missing something - and not in a self-help cliché kind of way. According to Ed Shaw, what we’re lacking is intimacy: not just sexual intimacy, but a deep sense of connection. Shaw calls this the “intimacy deficit” and it’s something that affects everyone, Christian or not. 

I first came across TFT about 7 years ago when my daughter opened up to me about her struggles with SSA. At the time she was passionate about her faith and committed to the biblical view of sexuality. I went along with her to the TFT London and National Conferences, I honestly didn’t think I had much to worry about, as she was so zealous for the Lord. I naively believed she would never walk away from her faith. It was only a year previously that I had come to faith myself through my daughter’s encouragement to attend her church and home groups.