Emotional dependency occurs when your emotional well-being becomes overly dependent on another person. Your emotions fluctuate from extreme highs to extreme lows depending on how they treat you or how you perceive them treating you. Emotional dependency expects more from a person than that person can give. It is not a unique experience for same-sex attracted individuals. Anyone can become emotionally dependent on another person.

In the spring of 2020, as a middle-aged single man living alone in London, I was invited by a young family in my church to "bubble” with them for the foreseeable future, while Covid restrictions began to be implemented.
Throughout the various lockdowns, I spent all day every Sunday with them and one evening midweek too. I’d been feeling emotionally low for the previous year, so I don’t think I’m being overly dramatic if I say that it probably saved my life.
A little over a year ago, they came back from a holiday in Australia with a clear sense that God was calling them to help plant a church in Sydney.

I have a plaque in my kitchen given by a friend with the quote: “Friendship is like sunshine, it keeps us warm and helps us grow.” Certainly, friendship has been described as many things, from a garden of flowers, to chocolates, to a ship believe it or not! (“There are big ships and small ships but the best ship of them all is friendship” - Anon.)

TFT: What it was like for you growing up, Malcolm?

As an only child, I grew up in a small village called Livingston, just outside Edinburgh, with my mum and dad. It wasn’t a Christian home or with any Christian family members. Religion or God was never spoken about unless in the form of blasphemy. Family life was very complicated growing up. My dad was an alcoholic, so he wasn't really around much. I remember the many times he would come home drunk and start shouting abuse, setting fire alarms off early in the morning, windows being smashed and the police coming regularly to our door.

I was privileged enough to be born to Christian parents. They both are brilliant parents and brought me up in the faith. My father would read the Bible to me and my brothers every night, right until the end of primary school. I owe a large amount of my Bible knowledge to him and my mother. This knowledge has been really helpful as I have learned to deal with same-sex attractions (SSA), so I am incredibly thankful to my father for that.

As a child I was definitely not a girly girl. I was very much a tomboy, preferring my brothers Action Man over my Sindy doll, hating dresses and generally thinking life was so unfair that I was a girl. I first became aware of my same-sex attractions during puberty, when I was confused about my sexuality and identity. It was not a subject that I could talk about, as the other girls in my form were daydreaming over the new male boys PE teacher whilst I preferred the girls female PE teacher!

I grew up in a Christian home. My Mum is a Spirit-filled, born-again believer of Christ, and brought up my sister and I to attend church and Sunday school. My Dad left my Mum under quite heart-breaking circumstances when I was just 2 and moved about 30 miles away. We usually saw him at the weekend. He and Mum had been elders at a local Church of England, but upon his sudden departure, Mum felt unable to return to church.

I have been battling with porn for most of my life. My first encounter with hard core porn came between the ages of 11 and 12. I never thought at the time how much this would destroy me. Years passed and I would regularly watch videos or look at magazine images. At the age of 18, I made a commitment of faith, but, sadly, not very much changed in my behaviour. A week before my 21st birthday, my life with Jesus took a big step forward. I began getting help with my alcohol dependency, but my issue with porn remained unaddressed.