Jesus asks, 'do you love me?'

Many of us know the value of having an accountability partner or partners, and find great help and strength in sharing with another human, but what about accountability before God? Should we have an accountable relationship with Him, and if so, what should it look like?

The difference between accountability with a person and accountability to God is that whereas we may be able to hide things from a human partner, we are unable to hide anything from God. I was amused to find a sticker on my daughter’s fridge that had a picture of Jesus peeping around the corner saying, “I saw that.” (Maybe she uses it to remind her to behave?!) I think many of us think that accountability before God is like this sticker: God is watching us and checking up on us. We need to behave well (including in our thought life because God knows our thoughts), but if we slip up, we must confess and ask for forgiveness so that we hold ‘short accounts’ with Him. This is partly true, but not the full story.

I like to think that if we were having regular accountability meetings with God, as we may do with our human accountability partners on earth, the questions He would ask us wouldn’t be, for example, focusing on how many times we have had a lustful thought this week, or have we asked for forgiveness for every sin this month, but rather, I think He would be a lot more interested in asking us questions about our affections and desires for Him. A ‘check-up’ with God might go a bit like this:

• ‘_____(insert your name), do you love me?’ John 21:15
• ‘_____, do you love and depend on my Word each day?’ (Matthew 4:4)
• ‘_____, do you love to speak with me and enjoy daily conversation with me?’(1 Thessalonians 5:17)
• ‘_____, do you love to spend time in my presence?’ (Psalm 26:8)
• ‘_____, do you love my people, just as I have loved you?’ (John 13:34)

Note that these questions are all about how much we love rather than what we do or have done. But in my experience, we cannot make ourselves love anyone or anything more by trying harder. Falling in love with God, His Word, His people etc only happens when we have a deep encounter with His love for us.

I have been a Christian for 43 years, but I would say that it is only in the last 6 years that I have experienced the true freedom of really knowing that I am deeply loved by my Father, and this has led to me falling more and more in love with my God. I had a powerful encounter with God at the New Wine Festival in 2019 which left me feeling cleansed, empowered and overwhelmingly loved, so much so that I couldn’t stand up properly for about an hour! This experience was life changing for me and still impacts me today. I have spoken in more detail about the experience on a TFT podcast if you are interested! (Episode 13: How God Set Me Free)

This knowledge and experience of His love for me has given me greater freedom. Temptations have become less potent and are less attractive in comparison to my relationship with Jesus. My love for His Word has grown and become more of a two-way conversation; as I read the Bible, I am learning to talk to God about the parts I don’t understand, or the parts that really speak to me. I find that I am praying a lot more during the day, but also in the middle of the night as I don’t always sleep too well. My love for the church has really grown too, and I find that I have a lot more compassion and care for His people. Experiencing the love of God has been life changing for me!

My TFT book club is reading a great book by Amy Riordan, entitled ‘Longing For Intimacy’. In it, she describes her journey of walking away from a lesbian relationship, into marriage to a man, and then experiencing a deeper intimacy with Jesus. She initially found the concept of intimacy with God quite frightening as she couldn’t see how God could fill a need in her that seemed so unrighteous. She was almost too embarrassed to talk with God about this and so she wrote Him a letter. In it she told God “I want to know you more. Show me how to love you more. As scary as it is for me to ask, please show me what intimacy with you really is.” Everything changed for her after writing that prayer. Maybe for some of you, the thought of intimacy with Jesus is an alien concept to you. If so, maybe try writing your feelings in a letter to God, as Amy did. 
Also, try reading through the Song Of Songs in the Bible, and remind yourself that this beautiful love song is describing the relationship between Christ and His people. I have found the image of John 15:4 very helpful to hold on to each day: “Remain in me, as I also remain in you.” 

I am a visual learner/thinker, and so when I try to picture what this looks like, I see the body of Jesus dwelling in mine, and my body dwelling in His, so close that there is almost no distinction between the two. His face shines through my face, His hands work through my hands, my feet go where His feet are leading. This is true intimacy.
Whilst writing this article and praying for inspiration, a TFT friend sent a video to me of a lady in North Georgia being baptised. She had to be carried to the water by friends as she was unable to walk, and had a condition that meant she struggled to eat or drink without vomiting. The video shows her coming out of the baptismal water looking stunned, and her first words are “He loves me, and He’s not mad at me.” She is then able to walk out of the pool and asks for a drink of water which she gulps down without any signs of sickness. Her stunned response is to lay prostrate in worship, crying out “He loves us so much!”

This is what we all need to learn, friends. He loves you and He’s not mad at you. We are sinners and our God is holy, and so naturally speaking we should be terrified of His wrath and condemnation when we speak of accountability before Him. But He has supernaturally redeemed you, cleansed you and made you holy, and so you are able to come before Him with confidence:“If you, Lord, kept a record of sins, Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve you.” Psalm 130:3-4

He reveals His love for us in different ways; for some of us it is a powerful encounter that suddenly changes everything, for others it is a slow realisation over time, but is just as powerful. And when we really grasp the truth of His love, everything changes. 

Remember Jesus’ questioning Peter after he betrayed him. Jesus asks Peter three times if he loves Him, and each time that Peter responds in the positive, Jesus asks Him to feed His sheep and lambs. When Peter knows he is forgiven and loved, he is then able to be entrusted with the responsibility of establishing the Christian church, and he is given the task of feeding the sheep and lambs in the flock. Being loved by our Heavenly Father enables us to love others as Christ calls us to, rather than in our own broken, often destructive ways of loving.

So, when you think about your accountability before God, come into His presence and allow Him to search your deepest heart: “Search me, God, and know my heart…” (Psalm 139:23)

Ask yourself the questions at the beginning of this article, and allow Him to shed His light on your heart and show you where your true desires lie. As you allow Him to probe your heart and your desires, ask Him to reveal His love for you, and for Him to become your first love. Then when He asks you the question “Do you love me?”, you can honestly answer, “Yes Lord, I love you” and know that His response to you is always, “I love you and I’m not mad at you.”

This article was originally published in the Summer 2025 edition of the TFT magazine, Ascend. Click the button below to download your copy.