Is it wise to share a home with my same-sex friend?
Many people who experience same-sex attractions are fully committed to celibacy but struggle to do life on their own. One option might be to share a home with a same-sex friend. But is this wise?
“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom” according to Proverbs 9:10. So, the starting place needs to be my relationship with God. Because if I don’t fear the LORD, I won’t think, speak or act wisely in my day to day living and decision-making.
To fear God does not mean to be terrified of him. No, a Christian is an adopted child of the one we are privileged to call Abba, Father. The perfect love of the Father drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment (1 John 4:18). And yet, “our God [yes, the Christian God] is a consuming fire” (Hebrews 12:29). An apparent contradiction. But surely this indicates that to fear the LORD means to take my relationship with him very seriously and live in a way that pleases him.
With that in mind, here are some other questions you could ask yourself as you navigate towards a decision as to whether it’s wise (or not) to share a home with your same-sex friend. Questions that should help you to examine your heart and discern how seriously you take your relationship with the LORD.
- Have you asked God for wisdom in this matter and are you prepared to accept ‘no’ as an answer? (James 1:5)
- Will sharing a home with this friend help you grow in your love for the LORD and for other people, or is there a danger that an unhealthy, exclusive relationship or feelings could develop? (Exodus 20:3 and Proverbs 4:23)
- Does this friend share your values or might they be a bad influence and lead you astray from following Jesus wholeheartedly? (1 Corinthians 15:33)
- How convinced are you that your motives for wanting to share a home with this person are pure and have you prayed and asked the Lord to test your heart in this matter? (Proverbs 16:2-3)
- Is there any romantic or sexual attraction (current or historic) between you and your friend and, if so, how can you do everything possible to flee from and avoid sexual immorality? (1 Corinthians 6:18, 1 Thessalonians 4:3)
- Are you willing to seek counsel from other wise and trusted Christian friends in this matter and listen to dissenting views? (Proverbs 15:22 and 19:20)
- What do your church leaders think about the proposed home share and are you willing to submit to their authority as those who keep watch over you and must give an account to the LORD? (Hebrews 13:17)
- Do the proposed living and sleeping arrangements risk damaging your gospel witness by giving the wrong impression to unbelievers? Might it be better to share a home with two or more people to reduce any such risk? (Ephesians 5:3, Colossians 4:5)
There are few better places to turn when making wisdom calls than the book of Proverbs. So, here’s some final wise advice as you pray and commit this important decision to the LORD:
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.