Radical Relationships

Our society puts much weight on our ‘relationship status’. In Christian circles, this translates to whether we are single or married. We might instinctively want to look at 1 Corinthians 7 (where the Apostle Paul sets out teaching on singleness and marriage) to discern which state might be preferable for a Christian. Although Paul gives us very balanced guidance on marriage and singleness in this chapter, he is more concerned with our readiness for the coming world than our earthly circumstances. In verse 29, he writes, “the time has grown very short... let those who have wives live as though they had none.” Of course, he is not saying that a married person should ignore their spouse, but that we should set our focus more on the coming world than on this life. The Message paraphrases verse 30 like this:

“Deal as sparingly as possible with the things the world thrusts on you. This world as you see it is fading away.” – (1 Cor 7:30)

Jesus – the single person’s mascot?

How much does the Bible say about the marital status of Jesus? Our gut response might be that it says nothing. But there are many passages in the Old Testament where God likens himself to a lover of his people. In the New Testament, it becomes clearer that Jesus, in particular, is our Bridegroom. One of Jesus’ earliest claims about himself in Mark’s gospel is that He is the Bridegroom (Mark 2:18-22), which refers to Old Testament passages such as Hosea 2:16 - “’In that day,’ declares the Lord, ‘you will call me “my husband”’.’”

When Paul writes to the Ephesians church, he notes that earthly marriage “refers to Christ and the church.” (Eph 5:32). Paul is showing us here that Jesus is getting ready to be married to His people. Revelation 19 reveals something more about this wedding: the marriage supper of Jesus and His bride, the church, will be in heaven.

We can easily champion Jesus as our “go-to” person who exemplifies contentment as a single person. And He certainly lived out some impressive aspects of living as a single man: He was sexually pure; He cultivated deep friendships; and He directed his energies wholeheartedly towards the Lord’s work. Although the Bible shows Jesus unmarried on this earth, it is clear that He is getting ready to be our Bridegroom in the life to come! And we are not left out, as the passages above have shown. We, the church, are to be united to Jesus in a way that earthly marriages merely foreshadow.

But, of course, we certainly don’t need to be married to be signposts to these great truths. Those who are single in this life equally point towards their Bridegroom by their watchful readiness for the life to come. Indeed, those who have intentionally “made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven” (Matt 19:12) are more like flashing neon signs pointing heavenwards!

Unhelpful ideas on relationships

Recently, I watched the Netflix film “Pray Away” with my Barnabas Group, which criticises the ex-gay movement in America. Although the film is quite dismissive of faithful Christians, it has some fair criticism for ex-gay ministries in America (and probably much of the wider church) when they have portrayed opposite-sex marriage as the goal that we should all pursue. This unbiblical teaching has sometimes led to disillusionment and mental health problems when earnest same-sex attracted Christians have not seen their sexual desires change. At TFT, we instead encourage believers to pursue the biblical goal of contentment in God (Phil 4:11-13), whether in marriage, or in singleness. Fixating upon earthly marriage as the destination is short-sighted. It’s like reading Mark’s gospel, but then stopping after the first four verses. At that point, we will have met John the Baptist, “proclaiming a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins”, but we won’t yet have got to John saying, “After me comes he who is mightier than I.” If we keep on reading Mark’s gospel, we get to learn how much greater than John is Jesus. Similarly, earthly marriages are good, but they are really just the warm-up act for the coming union of Jesus with us, the church.

As well as correcting skewed theology in our churches, let us rid our minds of worldly attitudes to marriage and singleness. Secular media drip-feed us with messages like these that mislead us about true contentment:

• “your life is sad and incomplete without sex”
• “you need to sleep with someone before you know whether you are sexually compatible”
• “you can always divorce if your love grows cold”

If we embrace these beliefs, we will become mere slaves of our feelings and instincts.
And the following worldly messages make sexual/romantic relationships into idols:

• “marriage is about having a picture-perfect wedding”
• “you need to find the perfect romantic partner who will make you complete”

If we let these messages take hold in our hearts and minds, then our pursuit of relationships will be like chasing the wind (Eccl 1:17) and we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. Sadly, these worldly values saturate so many of the films and dramas that we can unthinkingly allow them to shape our minds and hence our desires. 

Radical singleness. Radical marriage.

Instead, we need to work hard to displace these ungodly messages with biblical values that are true, honourable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent and worthy of praise (Phil 4:8). Let us embrace the following truths from the Bible about relationships, which are radical in the eyes of this world:

1. Friendships can be deep. They can satisfy much of our need to be not alone (Prov 18:24)
2. Singleness frees you for a truly purposeful life without distraction (1 Cor 7: 32)
3. Marriage in this world is not an end, but rather a signpost to the greater marriage to come (Rev 19)
4. Celibacy celebrates our great union with Jesus in heaven by waiting with purpose and readiness (Matt 25:1-13)

Whether we are single or married, embracing such a counter-cultural outlook will challenge those around us and point them to the three persons of the Godhead (Father, Son and Holy Spirit) who have been modelling close and satisfying relationships since the beginning of time (John 1:2). I think They have a thing or two to teach us about intimacy, faithfulness and joy in relationship!

This article was originally published in the winter 2021 edition of the TFT magazine, Ascend. Click the button below to download your copy.