Review: "Three or more” by Andrew Bunt

When I picked up this short booklet, my interest was piqued. However, I was also somewhat sceptical of how the subject of polyamory or consensual non-monogamy (where “all parties agree that the relationship is not exclusive”) might impact me, my church and the ministry of TFT. By the time I’d finished reading the booklet, it had certainly made me sit up and take note.

In chapter one, Andrew defines his terms and sets out examples of polyamory from popular culture, demonstrating convincingly that there is a growing interest and promotion of sexual/romantic relationships beyond of the traditional format of just two people. Indeed, following our society’s rejection of the biblical concept of marriage between one man and one woman, poly relationships are the natural logical progression.

In chapter two, Andrew explains some key trends in modern Western culture that have led to the growing interest in and practice of polyamory: the reorientation of sexual activity to be mainly about personal satisfaction; the elevation of individual desire; the decline of friendship; and the shifting of modern ethics. This was a reminder to me that we need to rediscover the value of friendships. Indeed, the rise of polyamory seems to be one more trend that is diminishing the value of friendships: polyamory reinforces our cultures view that intimate relationships must necessarily be sexual or romantic, which is a tragic recipe for insecurity and suspicion for those in platonic relationships.

Chapter three covers the biblical position on non-monogamous relationships. Andrew takes us to familiar passages that define biblical marriage as the one-flesh union of a man and a woman. He also recognises that the Bible does feature polygamous practice amongst God’s people, but points out that the Bible merely describes what is happening rather than promoting it. He also sets out the biblical vision for friendship, showing that true friendship “might offer a way for the desires and needs that sometimes attract people to polyamory to be met within the bounds of God’s good plan”.

Chapter four engages directly with the arguments for polyamory, such as: individual freedom; having a polyamorous orientation; and the idea that monogamy itself is not what we see in the natural world. However, this chapter surprisingly also includes arguments for polyamory that some Christians put forward. All of these ideas are described and then refuted concisely. Readers may want to consult the numerous references for studying them in further detail, especially those preparing to discuss these arguments with others.

In the final chapter, Andrew sets out a Christian response to polyamory. He calls us to adopt a compassionate posture as we set out the biblical vision for friendship and marriage. He also highlights that polygamy is a matter that African churches have been grappling with for years. Perhaps we can learn from their experience pastorally – although we need to be careful to recognise their different cultural setting.

Grove Books, who publish this booklet, have the following strapline: “Not the last word... but often the first”. I think that this sums up this book well. Andrew has described very clearly and helpfully how we can think and respond well to the growing practice of polyamory. He has also highlighted why this issue is closer to us than we may think it is. The final chapter touches on the pastoral implications of people in polyamorous relationships coming to our churches. For church leaders reading this booklet, I think the final few pages on pastoral questions will just whet their appetites for further case studies to help them develop their own church’s pastoral response. A longer book on this subject would certainly benefit from some worked examples to help churches prepare well to welcome and disciple people who bring their increasingly complicated relationships into our church communities.

Amidst all the ideas and questions raised in this book, I was once more encouraged that God’s blueprint for monogamous marriage and satisfying singleness continues to be the truth that our mixed-up world needs to hear.

This article was originally published in the Winter 2024 edition of the TFT magazine, Ascend. Click the button below to download your copy.