What I call myself and why

We recognise within TFT that there is a range of opinion on how people describe their sexual feelings and why. In the following three opinion pieces, David, Russ and Christine each explain the language that they prefer, along with their reasoning. At TFT, we don’t have an official “line” on the best vocabulary to use to describe a prevailing pattern of sexual feelings towards those of the same-sex. Whatever terms you choose to adopt, we would encourage you to respect that others will have settled on alternative preferred language for themselves, often for good reasons. It is good to be generous when using terminology. Firstly, we can act generously when we listen: let’s try hard to understand what others are really saying when they say “gay Christian” or “unwanted same-sex attractions” or “homosexual desires”. Secondly, we can be generous in our speaking: let’s at least consider using words around sexuality that make sense to our audience.
 

David's viewpoint - "I call myself a celibate gay Christian"

Let me sketch five reasons why I describe myself as a “celibate gay Christian”:

1. Scriptural authority
   The first is scriptural authority. While Scripture is clear that homosexual acts are sinful, it also maintains that Christians live in tension between the fallen nature, that is at war with God, and the new self, which desires to love and obey God. All Christians are being made holy. We aren't yet perfect. We still experience the attractions of our old self. Yet because of Christ, we can live in victory. God does not wave a magic wand to remove our desires, at least that is not the normative experience. It is equally wrong to endorse or to deny the presence of fallen desires, and that is why I call myself a “gay” or “same-sex-attracted” celibate Christian.
2. Theological accuracy
   My second reason is theological accuracy. To be attracted to the same sex is not a voluntary behaviour, as many have incorrectly argued. Instead it is a result of the creation-wide effects of sin. Whereas "stealing Christian" describes a believer who actively steals as an acted behavior, "gay Christian” may simply refer to one's orientation and nothing more. This is why I rarely, if ever, use the phrase “gay Christian” without adding the adjective “celibate”, meaning committed to a life of chasteness in Christ. 
3. Be prophetic
   My third reason is to be prophetic. Those of us who are orthodox or traditional Christians and who are gay or SSA need to reclaim our space in the conversation over sexuality back from the secular culture. The opposite of homosexuality is not heterosexuality. It is holiness. We need to stand for a different way to live in the gay community, and welcome others from that community into the church to receive Jesus' love.
4. Identity
   The fourth reason is related to identity. My identity is first and foremost in Christ, but those other words “gay” and “celibate” tell the redemptive story of God's grace in my life. When I chose to be celibate, I placed the word “gay” under the lordship of Christ; it is no longer a competitive identity to Christ, but a beautiful reminder of my submission to his lordship over my whole life, including my sexuality.
5. Reconciliation
   My fifth reason is reconciliatory. Some of us have sinfully failed to reach out to, value, and love the gay community but are very happy to moralize and judge. Mainstream secular culture feels alienated by terms like “same-sex-attracted” and “gay lifestyle”. The term “same-sex attracted” sounds medical, like a diagnosis reminiscent of when same-sex desire was seen as a disease. When I entered the church and heard these terms, they kept me from feeling included and understood. On the other hand, the term “gay” is positive and welcoming. 

Like God, who became human in Christ and reached out across our human experience, we must learn to love others, made in the image of God, by identifying and entering into their experience and removing boundaries.

The abbreviated extract above from David's book "A war of loves” is the copyright of Zondervan publishing and is reproduced with permission.

Russ's viewpoint - "I describe myself as a same-sex attracted Christian"

If I need to distinguish myself by my prevailing sexual feelings, then I will describe myself as a “same-sex attracted Christian”, and I think this is similar to how many members of TFT would describe themselves when needing to say something about their sexuality. If I can take the time to be a bit more precise, I might say that I’m a “Christian who struggles with unwanted same-sex attractions”, since this more clearly shows that the same-sex feelings are not something that I’m celebrating or in any way building my identity upon. I think there’s always a balance with language between being precise (but clunky) and using colloquial language (but open to misinterpretation).

Let me make a few things clear around what I mean (and don’t mean) by using my preferred phrasing:

1. Describing myself as “same-sex attracted” simply describes what has been a significant battle in my Christian life. It doesn’t represent a concession to worldly identity. In contrast, I believe that it glorifies God in helping me to remember that he has brought me a growing freedom from indulging these feelings. I might in other contexts describe myself as a “Western Christian” or a “male Christian”, but those descriptors don’t have to be identities that are competing with my primary allegiance: above all, I am “in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1).
2. In regular conversation, I will just talk about myself as a “Christian”: the “same-sex attracted” part would only be added where it helps others to understand that I have different experiences from most people concerning my sexual temptations.

There are a few reasons that I don’t tend to describe myself as a “gay Christian”:

1. The word “gay” in our culture increasingly refers to sexual orientation alone, but many people hearing it would understand it to mean an unreserved embrace of living as a gay person. I think that “celibate gay Christian” is a much clearer phrase. However, as a man married to a woman, I am not celibate and therefore can’t use this fuller phrase. I suppose I could probably refer to myself as a “chaste gay Christian” (meaning that I refrain from sexual activity outside of my marriage vows). But a key benefit of using the word “gay” is to be able to enter into common parlance, whereas the idea of chastity is (sadly) laughably old-fashioned to modern ears!
2. Part of my reluctance to use the word “gay” about myself is probably generational. As someone now entering my 50s, my experience of the word “gay” growing up was that it was a term of abuse leading to shame. However, for modern young people it is simply a label. For me, describing myself as “gay” does not sit right, but I respect the freedom of others to use the word, especially if they can use it in a way where it’s not a stumbling block to others. 

One friend who is not a member of TFT once told me that reading about “SSA” in Ascend magazine made it sound like the person had a psychiatric condition like “PTSD” or “BPD”. Therefore, I try now where possible to spell it out as “same-sex attraction” or “same-sex feelings”, even though “SSA” is a convenient abbreviation within TFT circles.

Christine's viewpoint - "I just call myself a Christian"

The Bible does not talk about homosexuality as an orientation. It does talk about homosexual acts as a prohibition. In Jewish understanding of human nature, there are yetzer hara (evil inclination) and yetzer hatov (good inclination). Yetzer hara is the inclination to do evil, by violating the will of God. Homosexual desires are classed as yetzer hara (evil desires). ¹

Before God decided to send the Flood, “The Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.” (Genesis 6:5). Clearly, God does not delight in our evil desires. Evil desires precede evil deeds. Jesus, like many rabbis of His day, built fences around the Torah (God’s instruction). In Matthew 5:27-28, on the commandment “Do not commit adultery”, Jesus taught “don’t lust in your heart”. “The logic is: if one would not lust in thought, surely one would not sin with one’s body.” ²

I believe homosexual desires are the result of the Fall. I do not know if the cause is genetic or environmental or both. It breaks my heart to know that my unwanted homosexual desires are evil in God’s eyes. But it also makes me grateful to Jesus for redeeming me by His sacrificial death. That is why I prefer to call Jesus by His Hebrew name, יֵשׁוּעַ Yeshua, which means ‘salvation’.

My celibacy is not a sacrifice. It is an act of obedience to the will of God. I choose celibacy because I choose LIFE (Deut. 30:15-20). Yeshua said one cannot enter the kingdom of heaven if one practise lawlessness (Matthew 7:21-23). Yeshua also said “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” (John 14:15). God is unchanging (Malachi 3:6, Hebrews 13:8). What offends God in Leviticus’ moral code still offends Him today. 

What is my reward? My reward is in the world-to-come as well as in the here-and-now. God Himself is my reward. When Abraham was sojourning in Canaan, childless, a stranger in a strange land, the LORD said to Abraham “Do not be afraid, Abram, I am your shield, your very great reward.” (Genesis 15:1) It seems that the more I hate sexual immorality, and the more I seek to live my life to please God, the less I want to identify myself as a “gay Christian”. If I have to speak with a pastor about my SSA, I would introduce myself as a “Christian with same-sex attraction”. I avoid, as much as possible, identifying myself as a “gay Christian”. For me, the word “gay” is a symbol of our culture’s celebration of sin and rebellion against God’s ways and commandments.

The decriminalisation of homosexual sex and the growing social approval of same-sex relationships have made it “safer” for homosexuals to identify themselves as “gay”. Christians are not immune to this kind of thinking. The “gay Christian” identity is enticing to embrace because our culture not only legitimises homosexuality, it also glamourizes it. But Yeshua said that we are not of the world just as He is not of the world (John 17:14-16). His words alone should prompt us to question our “gay Christian” identity.
 
God’s glory departs from us when our worship of Him is mixed with idolatry (Ezekiel 10), when our identity is “leavened” with a little “gay pride” (1 Corinthians 5:6-8). So, I repented. I removed the “gay” leaven from my identity. Today, I am just a “Christian”, not a “gay Christian”. I am blessed to walk not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stand in the way of sinners (Psalm 1:1). Reaching gay people with the Gospel doesn’t require identifying with sin. Friendship with the world means enmity against God (James 4:4).  I don’t want to rely on human logic to reach the lost. Not by our might nor by our power but by the Holy Spirit will sinners repent and accept Messiah (Zechariah 4:6). 

My “Side A” friends often ask me to pray for their difficult situation. They say to me, “I know God is with you”. They believe in the power of my prayers, but not in theirs. I hope one day they will see God’s glory in me and begin to walk in holiness! 

^{Endnotes: 1 Rapoport, C., Sacks, J. and Berkovits, D. (2004) Judaism and homosexuality: An authentic orthodox view. London: Vallentine Mitchell. 2 “Like a physical fence, a fence built around the Torah is a protective enclosure around God’s commandment; an extra layer of rules. In theory, one would first have to break the “fence” and only then fall into a transgression of the actual commandment of God.”}

Please note that the viewpoints included here do not necessarily represent the position of TFT.

This article was originally published in the Summer 2024 edition of the TFT magazine, Ascend. Click the button below to download your copy.