Can sexual orientation be changed?
Some people with same-sex attraction would like their sexual orientation to change. But is being 'straight' a godly goal? For the Christian, exchanging one set of sexual temptations for another set is not really progress towards living a life that gives glory to God. Rather, God calls every Christian to behave within the sexual boundaries set out in the Bible. And God does not promise to take away our struggles - in the Bible, Paul's experience was that God gave him the grace to endure his "thorn in the side" (2 Cor 12:8-9).
Sometimes, the pattern of people's sexual attractions do change during their lives. But having an undue preoccupation with one's change of sexual orientation can become just another idol ("Only when I get this thing sorted in my life can I be truly happy..."). We need to encourage one another to find contentment in our current circumstances (Phil 4:11-13). Only in the life to come will we experience complete change (1 Cor 15:51-52) and our struggles will be over (Rev 21:4).
TFT is primarily a discipleship ministry and we believe in biblical transformation. When we come into a relationship with Christ, we should expect change. Indeed, change is inevitable for a disciple of Christ. The biblical transformation experience, however, is not primarily about a change of sexual orientation (the Bible does not discuss sexual orientation). Biblical transformation is about:
- Change of heart (Ezek 36:26, Psalm 51:10, 2 Cor 5:17)
- Change in behaviour (Rom 6:17-18, and the rest of Romans 6; 1 John 2:1, 1 John 3:6)
- Change of mind (2 Cor 10:5; 1 Cor 2:16; Rom 12:2)
And so we at TFT are a community where we explore together how biblical transformation impacts our whole lives, including our sexual identity.
Here is a list of some reasons why people want to change their sexual orientation. Each point is followed by our thoughts on it:
- A desire to get married to someone of the opposite sex and perhaps to have children. We would cautiously encourage someone in considering the possibility of marriage, even when same-sex feelings persist, as long as there is a good measure of attraction (in its broadest sense) towards a possible spouse. There are many within TFT who can testify to faithful and loving marriage commitments towards their spouses (including satisfying sexual relations) without the need for a general sexual attraction to the opposite sex.
- A desire to be 'normal' and avoid discrimination/judgement. We would challenge the desire to conform to what is normal and would want to reassure the person that same-sex temptations in themselves are not sinful (Jesus was tempted in every way - Heb 4:15 - but it was his resistance of temptation that mattered).
- Negative views about singleness and celibacy. We aim to promote singleness as equally valuable as marriage (1 Cor 7:32). If a person is committed to singleness, then whom a person's is sexually attracted to is not really very important - what matters is that the person resists acting upon these attractions and rather seeks healthy intimacy in non-sexual ways.
Counselling and therapy
TFT offers pastoral support and does not provide any form of counselling or therapy. However, we recognise that some people come to us with significant difficulties and trauma that require professional help. In these cases we will refer such a person to a responsible professional counsellor. We have a directory of qualified counsellors in the UK who are sympathetic to our Basis and who each work according to the ethical code of a UK counselling body.
We believe that people should have access to counselling that will help them process their feelings in accordance with their personal beliefs. Our main requirements for counsellors on our directory are that they agree with our Basis and that they are prepared to respect and work with their clients' personal beliefs. We select counsellors who we think will seek to help people grow, rather than those who might direct them towards a particular outcome.
Resources for further study
Please note that any external resources below are intended to complement the main answer given above and may not entirely match TFT's position.