My battle for freedom from porn

I have been battling with porn for most of my life. My first encounter with hard core porn came between the ages of 11 and 12. I never thought at the time how much this would destroy me. Years passed and I would regularly watch videos or look at magazine images. At the age of 18, I made a commitment of faith, but, sadly, not very much changed in my behaviour. A week before my 21st birthday, my life with Jesus took a big step forward. I began getting help with my alcohol dependency, but my issue with porn remained unaddressed. The subject would come up in church but, as with many people, I would say, “Not me - I don’t do that sort of thing.”

Slipping back

Sometime later, my old life re-surfaced. I moved away from following God and began a same-sex relationship - this came to end in 2008. In finding my way back to Christian fellowship, I began to pray for help with my porn addiction. My drinking had stopped and I had been dry for 8 or 9 years, which is still the case today. But porn remained a big issue - I would pray for help, but would keep on slipping back into using it; I think I only managed about 6 months of freedom from it. An accountability partner was recommended, yet knowingly I hid things - I would just have two computers and show my accountability partner the computer that I didn’t use for porn! Even with  the best intentions to stop, the addiction felt unbreakable. 

Finding help

More recently, I was going through the “Your Version” Bible study guides and came across a 30-day guided programme called “Freedom from Porn”, so decided to sign up. When the 30 days were completed, I also found the related free app online (search on Apple or Android for “The Freedom Fight” or find the website thefreedomfight.org). With help from the app, I have finally broken free from porn for an extended period. The recommendation to engage with an accountability partner, in order to be open with another person, became so important to me. Sharing this desire for support with the men’s group that I meet with monthly was not easy, but the benefits I have received from being honest in this area have encouraged me so much.  Since writing this review, I have been free from porn usage for over 150 days. What has also helped is daily Bible reading and praying. Nevertheless, there have been a few close calls with temptation to view porn; I can only say that God has strengthened me to resist. 

Benefits of using software 

How does the app work? Well, you need to be committed to a daily check-in. Firstly, you write down a few words about how you are feeling. There is a checklist to tick the word that best describes your mood. Then there are short videos to watch, which give you helpful information about the effects of porn; that leads to a better understanding of the way this addiction takes hold of your mind.  There is also the option to link up to an accountability friend, or to join a group, so that you can invite others to support you in this struggle.

If this is your battle too, I do hope that you find an end to the fight. May I ask for your prayers in the temptations that I have, as I pray for all who read this, to take up the challenge to stop themselves? You can be free. 

Ongoing challenges

The biggest thing that has changed in starting this process of release is how dangerous I see porn as, even “light” porn. Adverts for men’s clothing or fragrance can be triggering to me. God has pinpointed other issues since my victory, that I need to work on, like controlling my swearing. God’s ongoing mercy is essential in every area of my life, but I know that God is good.

This article was originally published in the Winter 2023 edition of the TFT magazine, Ascend. Click the button below to download your copy.