Reaching out to gay friends

When I originally planned an edition of Ascend on the theme of outreach, I sounded out a few TFT members who live around Brighton based on the thought, “I’m sure Christians living in Brighton have got some good tips on how to reach out to LGBT people”. What I discovered was how disheartened they were about the prospect of outreach in an area that has an established history of hostility to Bible-believing Christianity. 

Indeed, many same-sex attracted Christians have moved out of this area, finding it to be too tough a place in which to live as Christians. The town has around 10% of its population identifying as LGBT, whereas only 1% would call themselves evangelical Christians. Many solid evangelical churches in the town have chosen the strategy of not engaging with LGBT events such as Pride, because they’ve found it too risky. Whereas most of us probably don’t find ourselves in towns as unreceptive as Brighton to the Bible’s teaching on sexuality, Christians do generally find themselves on the back foot in Western culture today when it comes to making the case for biblical truth.

The Apostle Paul, in Acts 17:16-34, found himself in Athens, a cultural hotbed of trendy ideas. It seems that he hadn’t intended to go there, but found himself in this cosmopolitan city after his minders whisked him away from the trouble stirred up by his preaching in Berea (Acts 17:13-15). Similar to modern-day secular society, Paul’s biblical beliefs were sneered at by the cultural elites, who found his ideas novel, but rather peculiar (Acts 17:18). However, he was not cowed by this hostile reception: on the contrary, he explained the gospel to the Areopagus, the ruling council of elders (Acts 17:19). But the way that he engaged with the Athenians was sensitive to their culture (Acts 17:22-31).

A unique opportunity

We might wonder why Paul didn’t just take a mini-sabbatical in Athens, while he waited to get back on to his missional programme (which he did in Acts 18:1, as he set out to Corinth). In Acts 17:16, we can see the reason for this - “While Paul was waiting for them at Athens, his spirit was provoked within him as he saw that the city was full of idols”. Paul allowed himself to be spiritually open to the lostness of the Athenian people. He was more concerned about their spiritual welfare than he was about receiving a warm reception. He knew that he was God’s appointed apostle to the Gentiles (Romans 11:13), and he made the most of his short, albeit unexpected, time in Athens.

Like the Epicurean philosophies that Paul was facing in Athens (Acts 17:18), our culture encourages us to live a life dedicated to pleasure. And for those of us who personally experience same-sex attractions, we understand the appeal! We are perhaps uniquely qualified to build bridges with LGBT friends and family and neighbours. In a postmodern world that elevates personal experience above reasoned argument, our own stories are powerful testimonies of how it is possible to restrain our desires in-line with Jesus’ teaching. For some people though, especially those who were active in the LGBT community before following Jesus, this particular type of outreach may be unwise if it reawakens strong temptations through places or people from our past.

Building bridges

In reflecting on these matters, we might sense God calling us to bring the gospel to LGBT people. But how can we regain our confidence in the goodness of biblical teaching on sexuality? And how can we build bridges with people who might seem so hostile to the Bible? Paul’s example in Athens gives us a few principles that we can use today.

1.    Don’t assume bad intent

Firstly, let’s not assume bad intent in other people. When Paul first started reasoning in the synagogue and the marketplace in Athens (Acts 17:17), he was received with a mixture of contempt (“What is this babbler trying to say?” - v18) and some slightly patronising interest (Acts 17:19). The Athenians were renowned for elevating novelty over truth – “[they] spent their time doing nothing but talking about and listening to the latest ideas” (Acts 17:20). However, Paul didn’t let their disdain and condescension put him off from making his case. After sharing the gospel, some continued to mock him (Acts 17:32). Now he might have been right about some of the Athenians if he’d dismissed them as hedonists and intellectual snobs, but he would have been wrong about some of them too - “Some of the people became followers of Paul and believed” (Acts 17:34).

Likewise, let us not bracket all LGBT people into one mould. Let us not presume bad intent. Let us not assume anyone is too far from Jesus to be saved. Let us not even interpret initial hostility as permanent disinterest. After all, Colossians 1:21 says of us, “Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behaviour.” Imagine if those who pointed us to Jesus had been put off because of our initial ambivalence, antagonism or mixed motives?!

2.    Be curious about others

Secondly, let’s be curious about others. Paul did not walk about Athens wearing a sandwich board stating a true but insensitive Bible verse, such as, “I will pile your dead bodies on the lifeless forms of your idols” (Leviticus 26:30). No. Before he spoke, Paul did his homework. He walked around the city and observed their practices. He found an altar to an unknown god (Acts 17:23) and used this as a cultural bridge to explain to the Athenians the character of the God of the Bible (Acts 17:24-27). He studied their writings and quoted the wisdom of some of their philosophers back to them, in order to explain the gospel using ideas that they might connect with (Acts 17:28). 

Likewise, let us express interest in the personal lives of our LGBT friends and family. Paul wasn’t worrying that he would somehow be contaminated by examining the Athenians’ idols, or that he would be mistaken as approving of their idol worship. As we ask questions, we demonstrate our warmth and care for the other person. Many of us as Christians know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of the implicit hostility communicated by non-Christians, who pointedly avoid any reference to our faith. Instead of that passive-aggressive approach, let’s express genuine interest in other people’s lives, even when we may strongly disagree with the choices they have made. 

3.    Make the case

Thirdly, once we’ve earned the right to speak, let us make the case for what we believe. Despite the philosophical and cultural divide between Paul and the Athenians, he made the case there to all – “He reasoned in the synagogue with both Jews and God-fearing Greeks, as well as in the marketplace day by day with those who happened to be there” (Acts 17:17). He didn’t second-guess how they might respond, and left it in God’s sovereign hands to convict people of the truth.

Likewise, when a suitable time and setting arrives, let’s explain the gospel to our LGBT friends and colleagues. We can’t assume that the other person understands Jesus’ heart for them. Even if they think they know what the Bible teaches, have they really encountered the grace of Jesus? 

Do we need to undo the damage done by clumsy or homophobic Christians in the past? We can begin with the positives, in the same way that Paul commended the Athenians for their worship - “I see that in every way you are very religious” (Acts 17:22). Paul didn’t attack them for their idol worship, but rather highlighted their impulse to worship and showed them the God who deserved it.

There is so much in the the Bible that is good news to LGBT people and we need to start with that. Of course, there is costly discipleship for every Christian, and the cost of giving up a same-sex relationship is massively countercultural. But let’s get that in proportion. Far more than a sexual partner, our loved ones need eternal life in the Lord Jesus. Let us love them enough to share the wonderful truth with them. Yes, we will need to be prepared to respond to questions about sexuality, in due course. But we can soften these truths by phrasing the message sensitively and by sharing how we have followed these truths in our own lives.

Concluding thoughts

In my outreach, I think the person who first needs to be reminded of the good news of Jesus is me! If I only focus in my mind on the cost of giving up a same-sex partner, but I’ve lost the eternal perspective and the joy of knowing Jesus, then I’m going to be reluctant to share the gospel with others.  Let us continue to preach the good news to our own souls. Then we will be motivated to reach out to the lost. We’ll not assume bad intent in others, but rather build bridges with them and make the case for the greatest gift anyone can ever receive.

This article was originally published in the Summer 2023 edition of the TFT magazine, Ascend. Click the button below to download your copy.