Resources for women struggling with porn

At least it’s not porn.” This phrase ran through my head somehow giving personal validation to my choices as a young teenager to gaze upon historical artwork of unclothed persons, dwell on human anatomy in science textbooks, and re-watch scenes from some popular movies. I was allowed to see all of these things, so surely it wasn’t wrong. I kept telling myself, “it’s not porn,” but I was still using it as visual stimulation and it morphed into erotica in my mind. These desires and habits became ingrained, and the trajectory was set. As I got older and moved outside of a computer guarded by my parents, I sought stronger images and could no longer claim the excuse, “at least it’s not porn,” but rather had to admit that I had a real problem with pornography.

I am not alone. Some statistics suggest that as many as 87% of Christian women have watched pornography. The Covenant Eyes website states that 15% of Christian women watch porn at least monthly. This number increases significantly as you look specifically at younger generations of women. Yet many churches and resources continue to portray pornography as a men’s problem, and women who need help can feel excluded. If that is you, know you are not alone.  Here are some helpful resources, specifically for Christian women struggling with pornography.

Beggarsdaughter.com (blog)

Associated resources: Triggered (free pdf). Quenched: Discovering God’s Abundant Grace for Women Struggling with Pornography and Sexual Shame (book) by Jessica Harris

This blog has significantly shaped how I think about recovery and freedom from sexual sin. In one of my favourite posts titled, “What Does Freedom From Pornography Look Like,” the author asks her reader to picture what their life would look like free from pornography. She suggests that far too often, people expect their life to stay as is, just without clicking on porn. This, she says, ignores the bigger picture of healing, redemption, and freedom that Christ brings into our whole lives.She talks about singleness, her own story, the need for better conversation in the church around women and pornography, hope and healing for those struggling, and more recently, as her life stage has changed, how her history with pornography has impacted her marriage and motherhood. She does not struggle with same sex attraction (SSA), but she has some posts that acknowledge the reality of SSA and how that can impact porn use. It was reading her posts and following some of the resources she suggested that led me to reading and thinking more about my own struggles with SSA.

She has not added much to this platform in the past year, but her previous posts remain relevant and helpful. She also has a page of listed resources for Christian women struggling with pornography that includes more books, devotionals, small group resources and videos than I could mention here.

One resource also available through her website is a free pdf titled, Triggered. She considers three categories of triggers: internal, external, and inevitable. After defining each category, she develops what is unique to each type of trigger both in how it manifests in our lives and in how we best respond. This practical and realistic tool could also be helpful when considering triggers related to SSA not just pornography.

More recently, Jessica Harris has released a new book titled, Quenched, that I would highly recommend. This whole book centres around the story of Jesus and the woman at the well in John 4. It is not a book of practical steps to break free from porn, but rather one that solely points to Christ and how his love meets us in our places of shame and offers living water. 

This book came out in 2023, more than a decade since my days of being trapped in pornography, but God used it to reveal shadows of shame still hiding in corners of my heart that need healing. The title, Quenched, comes from the picture that water not only can be used to put out fires already ablaze, but can also soak the ground so future fires won’t be able to break out. May we be so quenched in living water with our desires fulfilled in Christ that the fires of sin cannot find a foothold in our lives.

Dirty Girls Come Clean (book) by Crystal Renaud Day

Associated resources: 90 Days to Wholeness (devotional). sherecovery.com (website).

Crystal Renaud Day first released a book in 2011 titled, Dirty Girls Come Clean. This is a short, accessible read that brings light to women trapped in pornography through Crystal’s own testimony and suggested steps for moving towards healing. She describes these steps using the acronym SCARS, encouraging one to Surrender to God, Confess, seek Accountability, take Responsibility, and Share. This is a great place to start if you want to know you’re not alone and get some ideas for how to begin seeking freedom from porn.

90 Days to Wholeness develops those steps further into an interactive devotional. Each day there is a scripture verse, a short thought, and a question/prompt for the reader to answer. The author wisely recognizes that these steps are less about behavior and more about the heart. As with many things, it would be easy to give surface level answers to the prompts, but it’s in really sitting with them and allowing God to draw to mind the honest deeper state of your heart that you will likely find the exercise of answering the questions more helpful.

As her training and ministry expanded, Crystal founded SheRecovery.com. This is now a paid membership-based platform where women addicted to pornography can find help and community. The basic monthly membership (currently $25 USD/month) provides access to unlimited meetings, much like Alcoholics Anonymous, which happen daily on Zoom. However, based in the USA, only a few of the meetings occur at times that would be generally reasonable in the UK time zone. The premium membership (currently $30 USD/month) also allows access to a private chat group for community. This paid platform was set up after I was already well into in my recovery, so for me, it didn’t seem worth joining, but I can see how it could be beneficial for someone especially in the height of their struggle. If you are outside the United States, the website will convert into dollars from your currency when you pay.

SheRecovery.com also offers some free resources. Most notably, their podcast allows you to hear from counsellors, theologians, authors and others who speak about faith, pornography, recovery and freedom. There is also a free Facebook group in which many women find community and a place to ask questions and share struggles. A decade ago, I found that group quite helpful, but since the paid community options have emerged, I have found the Facebook group less well moderated and some of the ideas posted need to be considered with a bit more wisdom and discernment.

Restored: A Woman’s Guide to Overcoming Pornography (book) by Alice Taylor

This is the most comprehensive and practical book that I have read for women and pornography. It uses personal stories, biology/science, and faith/theology to provide a well-rounded assessment of pornography, addiction, and recovery. Then it offers practical questions for reflection and action steps to connect the material to your own life and road to recovery. I appreciated that the author defines addiction, but also recognizes that you don’t need to be clinically addicted to pornography to need help in this area. She also draws out some things specific to women like how your menstrual cycle can impact desire and temptation.

When discussing accountability partners, she recognizes that for SSA women it may be tricky finding a woman with whom to share intimately about your struggle with pornography without it becoming a trigger for SSA. While this is not primarily a book about SSA, it was nice to have that seen and recognized. Also, some of the chapters on intimacy and right thinking about God in light of struggling with sexual sin are absolutely applicable to SSA even for those not struggling with pornography.
The chapter on masturbation provides one of the most grace-filled yet wisdom-driven discussions I have heard on this topic. Even at our TFT women’s conference earlier this year, there were different perspectives put forth about masturbation. Recognising there are differing views even among believers, the author does not mandate what is right or wrong, but rather provides a structure to think through your motivation and what is going on in your mind, heart, and body at a time you might choose to masturbate. She helps you consider what is right and helpful in your own recovery and walk with Christ.

There is some danger inherent in any book that describes steps to recovery. Namely, it can provide the false sense that simply going through the steps will necessarily lead to healing and a diminished struggle. This book and these steps may be a tool God chooses to use, but it’s valuable to remember that it’s the gospel that transforms hearts, minds, and lives.

This article was originally published in the Winter 2023 edition of the TFT magazine, Ascend. Click the button below to download your copy.