I’ll be honest, the words “intimacy with God” haven’t always filled me with joy. I now, praise God, find myself saying, “Yes please! ‘Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you’” (Ps 73:25). Previously, my hard heart, bound up by religious pride and sexual sin, rebuffed any closeness with a seemingly judgemental God.

David Murray’s book, The Story Changer, creates the feeling of sitting with a friend who gently reminds you that Jesus does not just help tweak our lives, but completely rewrites our stories. It captures the heart of transformation, not as a severe change, but a deep surrender to the One who restores that which sin 
has broken.

Many of us know the value of having an accountability partner or partners, and find great help and strength in sharing with another human, but what about accountability before God? Should we have an accountable relationship with Him, and if so, what should it look like?

When I was asked to give this testimony, and told that the theme was about accountability, I was instantly a bit nervous. As I was trying to work out what to say for this, I kept finding myself trying to avoid one particular aspect of my story. But I really felt God put it on my heart to write about. So, just to rip the bandage off right away, this testimony is about my struggle with pornography. I have been in recovery from a porn addiction for the last 4 years or so.

Is the risk worth it?
I hope this article encourages those who have been hurt in past friendships and relationships, to stay in community with others. I suggest that committing is worth it, as we take the risk of being open and vulnerable with others.

In the spring of 2020, as a middle-aged single man living alone in London, I was invited by a young family in my church to "bubble” with them for the foreseeable future, while Covid restrictions began to be implemented.
Throughout the various lockdowns, I spent all day every Sunday with them and one evening midweek too. I’d been feeling emotionally low for the previous year, so I don’t think I’m being overly dramatic if I say that it probably saved my life.
A little over a year ago, they came back from a holiday in Australia with a clear sense that God was calling them to help plant a church in Sydney.