I have been battling with porn for most of my life. My first encounter with hard core porn came between the ages of 11 and 12. I never thought at the time how much this would destroy me. Years passed and I would regularly watch videos or look at magazine images. At the age of 18, I made a commitment of faith, but, sadly, not very much changed in my behaviour. A week before my 21st birthday, my life with Jesus took a big step forward. I began getting help with my alcohol dependency, but my issue with porn remained unaddressed.
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One morning, while still in bed, I had a big light bulb moment. I suddenly realised that I had got myself into a big hole. I was drowning, and I wasn’t really sure how I got there. I had become addicted to pornography.
“Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? So is he who sleeps with another man’s wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished.” – Proverbs 6:28-29 (NIV)
At least it’s not porn.” This phrase ran through my head somehow giving personal validation to my choices as a young teenager to gaze upon historical artwork of unclothed persons, dwell on human anatomy in science textbooks, and re-watch scenes from some popular movies. I was allowed to see all of these things, so surely it wasn’t wrong. I kept telling myself, “it’s not porn,” but I was still using it as visual stimulation and it morphed into erotica in my mind. These desires and habits became ingrained, and the trajectory was set.
Many same-sex attracted Christians feel that respecting God’s design for marriage means that they have to sacrifice their desire for a same-sex partner. I was challenged recently with the question of whether giving up a sinful relationship really can be counted as a sacrifice. Is it not merely an act of obedience?
This August I will be having a ceremony to dedicate myself to a life of singleness. A ceremony like this is not a common thing. I’ve heard of one or two people who have done something similar, most notably Kate Wharton, who was on the leadership team of New Wine for some years.