My current job was my first secular job after university, and my first day began as most do - with an Human Resources (HR) induction. After explaining workplace policies and handing over my new work ID card, the friendly HR assistant gave me a lanyard to wear it on. It bore the logo of my new department, surrounded by a number of LGBTQ flags. I thanked her, took it, and followed her directions to my new office. In February that year I joined True Freedom Trust after struggling on and off with same-sex attraction for several years.

We know from stories about King David’s life recorded for us in 1 and 2 Samuel that he had many painful experiences in his life – some arising from his own sin and some from other people’s sin.   He was definitely not writing from an ivory tower immune from the trials of this living in a fallen world.  Interestingly the verses in Psalm 23 where King David affirms his confidence that goodness and love would follow him all the days of his life come after the verses where he affirmed his confidence that God would be with him as he walked through the valley of the shadow of death.

I’ll be honest, the words “intimacy with God” haven’t always filled me with joy. I now, praise God, find myself saying, “Yes please! ‘Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you’” (Ps 73:25). Previously, my hard heart, bound up by religious pride and sexual sin, rebuffed any closeness with a seemingly judgemental God.

David Murray’s book, The Story Changer, creates the feeling of sitting with a friend who gently reminds you that Jesus does not just help tweak our lives, but completely rewrites our stories. It captures the heart of transformation, not as a severe change, but a deep surrender to the One who restores that which sin 
has broken.

Many of us know the value of having an accountability partner or partners, and find great help and strength in sharing with another human, but what about accountability before God? Should we have an accountable relationship with Him, and if so, what should it look like?

When I was asked to give this testimony, and told that the theme was about accountability, I was instantly a bit nervous. As I was trying to work out what to say for this, I kept finding myself trying to avoid one particular aspect of my story. But I really felt God put it on my heart to write about. So, just to rip the bandage off right away, this testimony is about my struggle with pornography. I have been in recovery from a porn addiction for the last 4 years or so.