What it's like to speak on biblical sexuality

Laura and Mark share, in this article, their experiences of speaking regularly on behalf of TFT.
 

What's normally involved?

Laura: Typically, church leaders contact Simon (TFT's Teaching & Outreach Manager) to request a seminar or a talk at a church service. This means a speaking engagement could last anything from around 40 minutes to half a day. Simon asks an appropriate member of the speaking team (based on their location or availability) if they'd like to speak at the event. Once agreed, the speaker is put in touch with the church to discuss content and format. Sometimes two speakers go to longer or larger gatherings.

Mark: Afterwards, the church leader is invited to feed back to Simon, who passes the comments to the speaker. This helps to ensure that talks stay engaging and relevant.

How do you feel before a talk?

L: Simon does an excellent job of making sure we're well prepared, but, of course, giving any kind of Bible talk is nerve-wracking. You're conscious of wanting to serve God well and present his Word clearly and faithfully, whilst always mindful of his abundant grace and patience. Throw in a few stories where you admit personal struggles and the stakes feel even higher. Talking about biblical sexuality adds another level of challenge. Whilst it's true that being vulnerable facing a bunch of strangers can be tough no matter how many times you've spoken before, many Christians value honesty, especially when church leaders and members have historically been fairly reluctant to discuss personal sin and struggles. People generally warm to you and are on your side, even if the topic of sexuality has never been tackled by their church before.

M: What makes it different from giving a regular talk on a Bible passage or chairing a discussion at a TFT conference is the fact that you don't know who will show up or what they believe (in terms of how much they've thought about this issue before or whether they're in agreement with TFT's stance or not). I'm often (unnecessarily!) apprehensive about how vocal congregations might be in any Q&A or discussion time, particularly if they have more liberal views. Having said that, I've had to be a bit more realistic of late, conscious that some conservatives are vigorously debating related issues. These include: how same-sex attracted Christians should describe themselves; the use of pronouns; and the approach Christians should take when engaging with secular culture, philosophy and politics.

What's it like for you afterwards?

L: Anyone who delivers talks on subjects they're passionate about (or that affect them personally) experiences a mix of relief and exhaustion after being on their feet for a time. But there is also an emotional slump or sadness at it being over, followed by anxiety as they worry about how it was received. They might turn over in their mind questions, such as: “Did I say enough or too much?”; or “Could I have phrased things more persuasively and biblically?”

M: Yes, I agree that those are normal responses after any form of Bible teaching. But maybe they are slightly harder to manage in our context. Time constraints mean there's only time for a bit of feedback, often from the pastor of the church and one or two attendees. More significantly, you don't have chance to process your feelings with your church family. Church family and Christian friends pray for you, but they never see what happened on the ground, so you don't get specific feedback or encouragement on talks from those who know you best and whom you most trust.

For someone who's never given a talk like this to understand the emotional journey, what’s a comparable common experience?

M: I know not everyone will know what this feels like, but the closest example I can think of is giving a familiar presentation to an internal team at work who you don't know well. Whilst your audience broadly wants to be there and is supportive of what you're doing, you still feel somewhat exposed. Even though you've spoken on the subject many times before and essentially know what you're going to say, you worry about how you're pitching your material and whether you'll be asked curveball questions.

L: I wouldn't say it's any easier or harder speaking on this subject to people you know as opposed to a group of strangers. Both situations have their challenges. It starts to feel more "normal" to open up about this topic in front of anyone after the first few speaking engagements. For many of us on the speaking team, that process started when we began opening up to friends or by going to a TFT conference. Speaking publicly won't be for everyone.

What's been your most awkward moment when speaking about your sexuality?

L: For me, it was speaking to a much older audience than was apparent from the discussions with the event organiser beforehand. It was a challenge, on the hoof, to introduce a topic like this to people who had never spoken in public before about personal relationships, let alone homosexuality. Once I'd finished, I let them loose on the case studies. The outcome was better than I expected, but did encompass some amusing remarks, questions and turns of phrase.

What's been the hardest context in which you've spoken about your sexuality?

M: It's been discouraging on a couple of occasions to realise on arrival at an event that the church leaders had invited a TFT speaker because they were unsure about the Bible's teaching, and that they would therefore be welcoming a more liberal speaker the following week. Whilst I'm glad churches like that want to wrestle with the issues, it's sad to see churches who think they can't be confident about God's good design for sex, relationships and marriage. At these times, you have to remember Jesus' firm promises about how the gospel looks weak and small, as unnoticeable as a mustard seed, but that it will grow and yield massive amounts of the fruit in the end. You also need to remind yourself that the Word of God always advances, despite apparent setbacks, ridicule, confusion, disagreement and opposition. This is the clear pattern established in the book of Acts.

L: I'm sometimes surprised that questions that TFT members would have thought through years ago, like "Why is gay sex wrong but wearing clothes of mixed fibres isn't?", are still being asked by Christians generally. Also, that many don't have much idea about where they might go in the Bible to find the answer. I know some speakers have encountered real hostility from those with a revisionist viewpoint, and others who have observed homophobic attitudes from Christians; unintended, but worryingly casual.

M: The more polarised nature of debate at present means that some attendees find it hard to understand the balance of grace and truth that Jesus modelled and that I am trying to copy. They may think that a conservative theological position must mean curbing compassion to the lost, out of a fear of conceding truth. So, sometimes you get people who want a general moan about the evils of "the gay lobby". I try to remind them that Jesus' Word is powerful, and that we don't need to worry. Jesus himself was clear that Christians would be a minority (the road to eternal life is narrow and few find it, he says in Matthew 7). I also need to ask Jesus to help me be like him on these occasions – neither angry nor anxious, but loving and firmly trusting his sovereign purposes.

What have people said or done that has been especially helpful?

L: It's really great when friends tell me they've been praying for me. Or when I get an encouraging text from a friend a few hours before the event kicks off. I want those who are reading this interview to know that their prayers are much appreciated and that the Lord uses them to bring fruit in the lives of TFT speakers and in those who come to events.

M: I love chatting to older, single, female saints after meetings; they are the group most likely to thank me. I think that this is because they find it refreshing to see someone up front at church speaking positively about singleness, especially if they have been striving for sexual purity as a single person either all their lives or as a widow, and have often been given the impression that being single is second best.

L: There are some lovely surprises too, perhaps when a Christian parent opens up to you and asks for advice on how to love their child or another family member who is struggling with their sexual identity.

And what's been unhelpful?

M: It can be frustrating when people misunderstand me, although I guess church leaders face that constantly. Someone once said during a question slot, "Like you say, love is love and we've just got to accept people", even though I'd never said that. Whilst I could see they'd grasped that the church must improve its welcome for gay people, the mention of "love is love" made me wonder whether they'd understood God's good pattern of heterosexual marriage. But again, patience is required. Unlike my own church family, I don't know the individuals, and people are always at different stages: visitors, non-believers; Christians viewing this topic with a biblical lens for the first time. The effect of a 25-minute talk is limited. It takes time for people's hearts and minds to be changed, as the Spirit of Jesus works in them.

What other aspects of speaking on this subject have made the pressure or cost to you feel more intense?

M: It's tempting to focus on myself by either getting stressed about content or becoming complacent. Then I end up forgetting that this is a spiritual battle and I rely less on God in prayer. Rather than being confident in past experience, please pray that I'd commit all my preparation and delivery to the Lord, and arrange good prayer support before each speaking engagement.

L: I'd echo that. I also know that it's costly for a few speakers to spend several Sundays each year away from their home church. However, things are much better than a few years ago, as TFT has a larger pool of speakers. Praise God for how gifts from members have enabled people to be trained up!

What do you enjoy about it?

L: I think we'd both agree that it's a real privilege to have an opportunity to speak about this really key topic in a biblically faithful way. As we give presentations and engage with people, God definitely strengthens our confidence in the truth and willingness to persevere in it.

By Laura and Mark

This article was originally published in the Spring 2025 edition of the TFT magazine, Ascend. Click the button below to download your copy.