As a woman with same-sex attraction, I have a history of running away from God and suppressing the conviction of adhering to biblical holiness that He graciously placed on my heart. In my country, same-sex attractions are neither generally spoken about, nor properly addressed in churches,. Therefore, it’s quite easy to not only to compromise belief, but to avoid accountability for ungodly living and keep under the radar.

There are many superficial indicators of faith in my life:

The title of this article was spoken by a pastor of mine many years ago. She was summing up a dozen or so scriptures on the topic of making our election sure, and what a powerful word-picture this statement brings to mind! As Christians, we’ve been called out—we are God’s ekklesia, his representatives on earth. Even so, how strong is the lure to take on the various hues of the world and literally blend back in—just like a salamander.

I thought I might start by laying my cards on the table. I am someone who experiences same-sex attraction and has done since childhood. I am not only attracted to people of the same sex; I am married, and my wife graciously supports me. My desires are rather carnal than romantic. By which I mean, I have never desired a long-term romantic relationship with a man. 

I grew up in a non-Christian family. No one, even in my extended family, went to church except for the standard weddings, christenings and funerals. I attended a boarding school which was nominally Christian. We had Chapel 5 times a week and I sang in the choir at churches and cathedrals around the country. I went to church a lot, so I knew about God, but I didn’t know Him. My school ran an evening club, where we could hang out after curfew.

The boy was looking at me like I was crazy. I can still see his face, bemused and laced with disdain.
“Why are you answering? You’re a girl!” It was a primary school assembly and the teacher had just asked a question, specifically directed at the boys, to which I had responded effusively. The boy’s words doused me like a bucket of icy water.
“Oh yes,” I remembered with a start, “I’m a girl.”
That was the first time I realised that despite being female, I’d assumed I was male. And it was not to be the last.